My Book Room

doctor who

Matt Smith

I been beaten

But I will not speak.

Watch people scream for their lives,
But I will not speak,

bullied, scream at, mentally hurt,

But I will not speak.

Mother died alone,

But I will not speak,

push away,

But I will not speak.

Left alone,

But I will not speak.

Who do I turn when there in no one there.

Walking around as if they don't care.

Am telling you that my pain, tears, or sorrow.

Are nothing but air...

I all need is me...

I been a room,

Where I feel there is no walls,

No VOICES at all.

How I live with my pain, and guilt.

I can let it go, AND SAID!!!!

No More,....

I am me, 

And I will change.

I will speak and I can say it again.

You can't hurt me anymore.

I keep the bruise you gave.

It will be symbol.

That I won today.

Can’t win

Can’t fight

Torn

Between the one you love,

And the one you hate.

Painful

To pour tears of lover’s lost.

No jobs,

No money,

Stuck….

Deeper and deeper

the hole grows

feeling of sadness, emotionless, fear

Of being alone…

My love is a recycle bin

Bruised form when am soar.

But like a drug..

Where look for more.

Can’t leave

Can’t stay away…

I don’t want to be fool a boy behind the smile,

Glow, hottness, and smoken.

But I also don’t want to be

Forever broken

I would not be reading this if one of my best friends hadn't recommended it. And that would have been a real shame. 

I watched the movie adaptation after my buddy Linton told me to. Somehow the subject of WARM BODIES came up and I told him how I expected it to be like TWILIGHT only with zomb-zombs instead of sparkling vamps and bare-chested were-bears. Having already watched it, Linton told me how wrong I was, and that I should find the flick posthaste. I dug the movie. I wouldn't give it any awards, but it was worth the rental.

Then I posted on some social media site or another that the movie did not suck. This prompted my friend Nettles to say, "Yo, Starbuck! Read the book `cause it's funnier, mo' frakker!" Okay, so maybe she didn't sound like a cast member of Battlestar Galactica (I just watched RIDDICK the other night and Katey Sackoff's side-boob is still bouncing through my gray matter). Don't judge me. Anyfuck, I told Nettles that I'd get to it eventually. 

Fast forward to my birthday last year (which is actually a flashback, innit?) when I received a trade paperback version of WARM BODIES in the mail, courtesy of Nettles. The book went on my TBR, and I've just now started reading it. 

Okay, I told you all that to tell you this. Nettles thought I would like the book because it's funnier. Well, it isn't funnier. In fact, I haven't laughed once. But, it is much deeper than I expected. I'm shocked at how well-written and poignant this novel is. 

Here's a little taste of what I'm talking about:

"I want to change my punctuation. I long for exclamation marks, but I'm drowning in ellipses."

I know, right? Who among us hasn't felt like that, I dig that shit; simple, powerful writing. What I like to call smexy-as-fuck prose (for those of you not in the nose, smexy = smart + sexy).

Anyballs, I'm only 64 pages into this fucker. I'll let you know my thoughts on the whole thing when I finish.

E.

"I wanted to show people I wasn't a closeted lesbian. Some girl who didn't like me had started up a rumour."

I make objections about wearing it, putting on a snooty voice and saying I look like a Jezebel or a harlot of easy virtue.

"How do you know i don't have one night stands to keep me tided over?" I fake a sultry note.

"You don't. You're not that kind of girl. I can tell. Perhaps that's why you make me feel so clean."

"I hate this picture of her because it makes her look like a vacuous tramp, and despite how sometimes she comes across , Nora's got a brain inside that head of hers." (this is about her friend..)

"And you are? Look at this dress? You might as well have a sign over your head that says "fuck me".

"I am asking for trouble by dressing like this, and i know it."

Now, I know what you're probably thinking. What makes me so special that some guy would be that crazy about me? There lies the rub. There was nothing particularly special about me. Aaron was just one of those guys who fixated on a single girl and became obsessed with her.

"As you can imagine he's not the kind of person you want to have obsessed with you."

"There's no need to panic, just try to be observant and make sure you've got someone you can call on short notice."

When you're attracted to someone, extreme behaviour can be sort of... appealing. If Edward Cullen had been ugly I'm sure Bella Swan hadn't been quite so smitten with him coming into her bedroom to watch her sleep at night.

We  females, can be strange, shallow creatures when the mood takes us.

This is the problem with Aaron, he's never gotten violent or threatened me. I would have gone to the police, if he had been.  He's just been clingy, possessive, annoyingly obsessive and a touch mental.

He eyes me shrewdly. "It didn't mean anything with her, you know?" 

My breath catches. "Oh". 

He sights. "Loosing myself in women I've just met, it's this habit that I can't seem to shake off."

"That's another thing that I admire about this man, he is so completely unapologetic for his actions."

"I suggest you join some online dating agency and keep searching for the one, because it certainly  isn't me."

Stow your indignation at the door. This is my opinion, not yours. Ready? Okay, read on.

The most recent film adaptation of Stephen King's CARRIE is the best one yet. And yes, I feel it's better than the original with Sissy Spacek in the titular role. I never was a fan of the first movie, and that made-for-TV piece of garbage released in 2002 shouldn't even exist. This CARRIE is the closest anyone has come to getting the source material right. Chloe Moretz is a far better Carrie than Spacek ever was. Spacek's Carrie always seemed silly to me, overacted and laughable. In the remake, I really dug the actors that played Sue and Tommy, not to mention the Lindsey Lohan impersonator (why are her lips paler than her skin???) that played Chris. Overall, the entire cast rocked my socks. 

CARRIE is one of those stories, like A CHRISTMAS CAROL, that will be told over and over again in various different mediums. The message is clear and concise, not to mention important. Bullying is a serious issue that will never go away. Sorry, but these are the facts, people. There will always be an ass-panda looking to shit in some poor kids Cheerios because the kid is different. Kids suck. Being a kid sucks. This is simple truth. 

Now on to something that's always bothered me about ALL of the film adaptations. Spacek looked anorexic in her 1976 performance, and Moretz is only slightly more well-fed, so neither actress fits the part. Neither Spacek or Moretz look like Carrie from the novel, but Moretz plays the role much better than blank-eyed Spacek. The funny thing here is, Carrie from the novel was a chubby girl, hence the whole, "Pig's blood for a pig." With Carrie being skinny-as-fuck that line kinda loses its snap. I'm also getting tired of hearing that Moretz was too pretty for the role. Sorry, but even pretty people get bullied. Especially quiet girls with religious nuts for parents. You don't have to be too fat, too skinny, or too anything to be bullied. You just have to be different from the nutjob who needs a target to make themselves feel better.

In summation: The 2013 version is far more faithful to the book, but that's probably because of advanced technology. Stones falling from the sky and all. Moretz is my clear pick for Carrie over Spacek (remember Angela Bettis's Carrie does not exist in my eyes).

I know my opinion isn't a popular one, but it's mine. I also think Harry Potter is overrated. 

Looking into mirror,
and what do I see…
a fat, stupid, dumb fuck…
when that not the real me…
Touch the fat lumps on me… 
on my face, that not actual there…
Tear rush in cheek,
as I clutch the chummy stomach…
Hear the little girl giggles
as she call ever name in the book…
Slut, Ugly, Retard, gay, bitch…
I burn myself to make the pain 
go away,
But thing is, I can’t hurt myself, 
And Lie, to say it escape…
I love, life and family…
And this is what I want it to be…
Not have a boyfriend at the end the line…
But just to have me, myself, and I…
Am pretty damn sexy and cute…
I tell myself that, and I know that am just fine…

I thought very funny, but kind of bad book type of funny. you know the kind when first read a few pages of a character and see badly developed they are. I kind of make you laugh a little. So this is book is to bad to even finished...I thought main character a complete bitch, and if Zoey redbird, there girl you suppose to root for, or I guess feel bad for because she had "terrible childhood" where never love by her mother who make her seem like mindless dumdass; was a real person, then her chick to kick in the face. Because she don't then thing says in her mind it sounds cool but she really sound like jack ass. I mean her concept of goths that "that don't take bath, where in fuck you got that idea from, or how cat have a "history relation" to vampire. Oh yeah, why do the are to authors spell vampire with y, it make the book more different then all the other vampire book out there. I tell this, not even ke$ha makes her name look cool or unique, when really it make look you can't spell correctly. Oh, Zoey is a HUGE HYPOCRITE! she like to her friend shallow, but when Zoey's boyfriend in the first suffer from a drinking problem and called her boyfriend kisses "tastes like feet, oh how she say the alcohol will make you fat. In addition, Zoey calls a lot girl character because they sleep around, but one of the book Zoey sleep with her teacher and juggle three guys as love interest...wow. Am not even going to part where Zoey thinks that girls with eating disorders do the thing that they do is because they Idolize paris hilton..this is the main character. That point out that she a Mary sue or that she calls her sister a slut.

I wear glasses to see better..

But is worth it,

To take a look at one girl 

and say "she fat.."

"She so fat, the make the floor shake..."

"Make the table break,"

But that's what we say in our eyes...

We look then judge...

 it's no surprise

EWWW! look at her hair,

some maybe silence, 

Stalk and stare

Then let their eyes talk..

their eyes move up and down,

Or their eyes roll aound

Maybe that girl can't help but to be fat,

Maybe she puke and choke...

And have pain attack

To say, " I hate my rolls, and huge gut."

"I hate the people looks,"

"How they laugh at my butt..."

Their eyes tell me "you are dumb, 

To get question wrong...

"Stupid, Idiot, and dumb...

"Lets point and laugh and make fun..

"To look and stare..."

"It will say it all,"

"To know my flaw are downfall.."

Kids laugh in a perfect glee...

But their eyes stare at the girl...

And say more then what it seem.